[ Alucard didn't respond to her text, he simply mustered the courage needed and set out to meet her as her request. Being early by an hour or so before sunset, just to make sure that he was there exactly on time when she arrived.
He'd been home since, and so was fresh from a shower (running hot water truly was amazing. Shame it didn't wash away how shitty he still felt.) Regardless, there he was, standing upright with that ridiculously perfect posture of his, one hand tucked behind his back respectfully, the other held a bouquet of white roses and an unlabeled bottle of something the deepest vermillion in colour. The fountain behind him lightly flowed and splashed the sides, though he paid it no mind. Uninterested by the fact the back of his long coat might have gotten a tad wet.
There was apprehension clear in his expression while he waited for her. Partly convinced that she wasn't going to show at all, which would serve him right of course, but there was a fear of it all the same which only solidified the fact in his mind that she meant something to him. Something special. Something he was afraid to truly lose.
Alucard's head hung low for a moment, tendrils of platinum blonde tumbled forward to curtain his face. His face that wore an expression of worry and hurt, as the longer he waited for her the more he became consumed with thoughts of her standing him up. ]
It's over an hour before her little flurry of bats arrives and she drops to the ground some distance in front of him. She makes her approach like a queen, chin lifted and heels clacking primly with each step. Her blue and gold gown is reminiscent of the starry gown she wore to the hotel for their first real tryst, but this one is more tailored and regal compared to the whimsical sweetness of before. She wears her long white fur cloak from home over the gown, properly attired for the cold even though it doesn't much bother her, and a black veil that covers her entire upper body.
She stops in front of him, out of reach, and waits silently for him to speak first. She has allowed this audience, but will not deign to make the first sally.
It's more than enough time for Alucard to start to panic and doubt himself. Was it too arrogant of him? To assume she would still wish to see him after all this time had passed in silence? Perhaps this was her fault, she was older, arguably wiser too, she should have known better than to tangle herself up in the doings of Vlad Dracula's child. No, no that was unfair to her, Lenore had been honest, and forthcoming with her feelings and how she felt he ought to behave with his.
Alucard was about to turn and consider leaving when the fluttering of small wings on the wind caught his attention. Standing fast as she landed and appeared before him, a true vision of beauty. For a moment, Alucard almost forgot himself, forgot he was no longer in her favour, and made a move towards her, to greet and quite possibly embrace her. Stopping short a few paces, lips part and smile fading, for Lenore did not look approachable.
"Lenore. If I may, I should like to say just how utterly breathtaking you look." Lowering his head in a courteous bow as he held out for her the flowers and bottle. "A peace offering. Twelve white roses and virgins blood."
Lenore's eyes narrowed a little at the peace offering, not yet making any move to accept his gift. "Where did you of all people get virgin's blood? Here, especially. I can't really imagine you holding a child's neck to the bottle."
The stuff is notoriously hard to source, and Lenore's aware of how often it's asked for in Fangtasy. Probably, she thinks, it was Diva who sourced it, giving Adrian the bottle as a favor.
"A peace offering isn't necessary. We're not at war. My dominant keeps me supplied with flowers and libations aplenty. And you, well. Nestled as I was in the 'depths of your heart', I suppose it was easy to never think of me until it once again became appealing and convenient. Just drag a lid over the well of your heart and leave me in the shadows while you're busy... what? Moping? Being a dramatic little bitch?"
Her words are sour and leave an unfavorable taste in his mouth from the imagery. Alucard hadn't thought to ask where Diva obtained the blood of a virgin from, only that it was rare and apparently delicious. It was a risk, offering her gifts at all, as he assumed he might have ended up wearing the wine and having the flowers stuffed somewhere rather unpleasant. Deciding not to pass comment on the topic he simply remained holding out his gifts for her, in hopes she might grow tired of them being offered and finally take them.
"Aren't we? Then why does it feel as though I'm being attacked?" Trying not to sigh as finally he dropped his arms, his gifts hanging low in his grasp. Wincing his face as she spoke of the depths of his heart, of her only being convenient. She couldn't have been further from the truth. Alucard had sequestered himself away because of shame, it had taken a lot for him to return even knowing he would be unwelcomed.
"You're not wrong. Though I don't much care for your tone." Frowning at her before his expression once more falls soft towards her. "Lenore, I felt just awful, after everything that happened, be it in sane mind or under some curse of this place. Please, you can't assume I simply left you... Do you not or did you not feel anything for me? If not, then I feel such a fool..."
"Oh, you're going to guilt me as though you're the injured party here? As though my actions were the ones left in mystery? You messaged me on your device, so quite clearly you received my messages. The ones where I offered you comfort and reassurance, asked for your forgiveness, confessed my worries, begged you to give me at least some sign that you weren't hurt or in danger. You ask if I felt nothing for you? You have the proof of it there on your device. Please, feel free to take a moment and review my humiliation."
Sweeping past him, Lenore takes a seat on a stone bench nearby, skirts belling out around her to make it quite clear that this bench isn't large enough for two. "You don't much care for my tone. Is that so. How hard that must be for you."
Cold and scornful, Lenore waves a hand at him to gesture for him to proceed. "Go on, then. I didn't come for compliments and flowers. I came because you wanted to be heard out and apologize. I'd like to know what has kept you so busy for the past month and a half that you could not spare even a single moment to think 'oh, my, Lenore must be worried, let me take an instant to message her that I'm unharmed'. So let's hear this apology."
"Lenore, I saw your messages once I returned. I did not take the device with me." After all, why would he? He was not used to having such technology at hand and when he vanished, it had not occurred to him to keep it on him. A simple mistake, one of many he made apparently. "And so, because I was not ready when you were, I am unbefitting of the kindness and concern you displayed then? You speak as though my love and affections were fleeting and yet demonstrated how easy it is for you to have a change of heart." It seemed such a short passage of time for their kind, for her to grow so cold distant. It pained him more than his expression let on.
She sounded petty and vicious, every bit the scorned lover. Alucard mused on how he could fix this, what he could do now to put things right, only, his experiences are small and short-lived, he was not equipt to handle a force of nature such as Lenore. Taking the hint, Alucard's shoulders slumped as he sat on the edge of the fountain, never minding that he was splashed by the falling water.
Part of him wanted to run, wanted to hiss and snarl insults at her for being so vile with her words. It took all of his restraint not to do just that. Tossing the flowers aside, letting them spill from their ribbons and pretty paper across the stone of the fountain wall, as he popped the cork from the bottle. "It's my fault...I was too human with you. Too soft. I should have been more like my father..." Uttered under his breath, unsure if she heard him or not. Pressing his lips to the bottle, hesitating before tipping it back and partaking of the blood for himself.
Oh, he knows all too well that his apology isn't going to be good enough, nothing is for her, as it shouldn't be. Lenore should have the world at her pretty little feet, she should be given all she wants and needs without question, including Alucard's unwavering attention. "I'm sorry, Lenore. Sorry that I'm not good enough for you. Sorry that you wasted your time on my childish endeavors. Sorry that I didn't know how to cope with what was going on, with what I had done and was doing... Sorry that despite your warning, I started to fall in love with you."
Lenoer sighs, feeling hurt and exhausted by all of this. She runs her hands over her skirt, feeling the stitches of her broken heart tearing open again. "You're terrible at apologies, you know. The letter was a decent start. It made me willing to talk, and to listen. But these apologies now are only about your own hurt feelings. I'm hurt because it seems like you didn't think about my feelings for a month. I'm hurt because even though you started this by saying that you wronged me, you will not allow me any hurt or anger. As I vent my hurt and frustration, you lash back at me to deepen my wounds, to accuse me of not caring you enough because I'm hurt and angry and not instantly forgiving all."
Rising to her feet, Lenore clasps her hands primly in front of herself, not looking at him. "I was worried for you. I felt sick with guilt for having not better protected you from what happened during Tumenalia, never mind that I could not protect myself. It had you under an influence that ... was quite strong. And stung me quite sorely at one point, but I forgave you for my hurt because it was not your fault."
Lenore draws back her veil so he can see her bare face, cold as ice but with a deep, lonely ache in her eyes. "I am hurt because I spent a month remembering how I had told you clearly that I tend to fear the worst when left alone without contact. And that you at no point in the month thought of that. Or thought it important. That's what I cannot understand or forgive. That for an entire month, the thought of my feelings was never worth a minute above your self-pity. That's all. I thought of you. Wept for you. Worried over you. Would have done anything to reach you, comfort you. But it seems to me that in that month, you never once thought of comforting me. That's what I would like explained, Adrian. That's what I came here tonight to hear."
Alucard knew he was terrible at apologizing. He'd never had to do to before, he'd only ever apologized to the dead and even then he wasn't sure how well it was received. "I tried not to upset you, Lenore. I wanted to protect you, your feelings, though I'm not very good at protecting anything that doesn't involve a fight and a sword. And I never wanted to fight with you. I was lonely. I didn't want to be and yet at the same time, I felt as though I deserved nothing more than to be alone. I didn't deserve you, your affection, or attention. And yet that's all I've ever wanted since the day I met you."
As Lenore clasped her delicate little hands and moved to her feet, Alucard shot up too, his chest visibly rising and falling faster as if in a panic that she might leave. Alucard was out of character clumsy as he rushed to set the bottle down, the thing tumbled and rolled on the wall of the fountain, some of its contents spilling out and dirtying the water with its rich colour. "I can't lose you because of this, Lenore. The thought of loving someone was never something I felt I'd ever experience. I was always too fearful I should break...Or that I'd somehow break them in return. How right I was..." Shaking his head, feeling her words sink in, her guilt, her hurt. It was painful, unbearably so.
It was hard to see her face, his eyes were a little blurry, heavy with sorrow. Still, he managed to look upon her, like a puppy that had had its nose slapped for chewing up its master's slippers. "I don't know where to begin, Lenore. I could tell you I thought of you, which I did, though that does not excuse the fact I never reached out. This is me, this is what I do, I hermit myself away with my thoughts, I've been alone for so long, Lenore, I don't quite know how to behave in a situation like this. Sorry doesn't feel like it would cut it and yet I am sorry. And scared. Scared that you'll never again grace me with the light you radiate when you smile towards me. Scared that you'll never again make my heart race with a mere touch or choice word. I'm scared that I've already done too much damage, Lenore."
He looked broken as he spoke. He hadn't wanted to let her see him crumble like this, but then again, it was hard to articulate himself when it came to matters of the heart.
Lenore listens patiently. Hands still clasped, head still lowered. When he finishes, Lenore looks up with a sad, soft smile, and reaches up to gently cup his cheek. "Oh, Alucard."
She shakes her head and sighs, giving his cheek a pat and then lowering her hands to clasp them again, though she keeps her eyes up on his face now. "I don't want to be loved like a lady in a tower. I don't want some grand courtly love that you prove by the agony of your feelings when you're away from me, writing a hundred lines of poetry in devotion and castigating yourself for not being good enough. I want the passion, but I also want someone to share a life with me. Someone to hold me when I am upset, to listen to my woes, to provide a shoulder to cry on.
"Back home, just before I came here, I had a man betray me, trap me in a cage, aid in the premeditated slaughter of my sister with an army of night creatures, and then he told me he loved me and expected me to react as though he was some kind of hero."
Brow furrowing with misery, Lenore shakes her head. "I am done with the kind of love that swears poetic, lofty adoration and yet isn't there to hold my hand when I'm frightened or upset. I trusted you and ... now I don't, anymore. You cannot be relied upon if I'm in need of protection or comfort. So, that's what you can do, Alucard. You can be a friend to me. You can make time for me, and listen to my worries, and celebrate my joys, and share your own worries and joys for me. You say you love me, but so far all you offer is melodrama and lust. Do the work. Build a foundation of friendship and trust and then let your love be a palace built upon that rock. Prove to me that your love is something more than a castle on a cloud."
That pit in his stomach was slowly devouring him by now. With every word she spoke, no matter how softly and kindly she put it, the urge to flee was growing. It was horrible. He was no longer Adrian to her, just Alucard ... The irony of it, calling himself his fathers opposite, and yet here he was, lost in the madness of his own woes, blind to the suffering he'd caused those who actually cared about him.
The touch of her hand upon his cheek was bittersweet. Oh, how he'd missed her gentle touch. He wanted nothing more than to scoop her up in his arms and walk away with her somewhere into the night if only to make her smile and dote on her. But the look upon her pretty face told him what a bad idea that might have been.
Listening to her tale, feeling every moment of her suffering and sorrow, made him angry, frustrated that something such as that had happened to her of all people. Though silence was all he offered her, silence and understanding. When she was done, Alucard waited a moment before talking. His tone was soft, respectful, honest. "You want me to give you a strong foundation for our love to be built upon, and yet the tragedy is, Lenore, that the only Castle I've ever known constantly shifted, disjointed, and moved to where it was needed. I don't want to blame my terrible traits on something other than myself, but this is the first everything here, Lenore. My world was so small and unstable, it's easy to get lost and to lose sight of those I care for."
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2022-01-16 09:24 pm (UTC)He'd been home since, and so was fresh from a shower (running hot water truly was amazing. Shame it didn't wash away how shitty he still felt.) Regardless, there he was, standing upright with that ridiculously perfect posture of his, one hand tucked behind his back respectfully, the other held a bouquet of white roses and an unlabeled bottle of something the deepest vermillion in colour. The fountain behind him lightly flowed and splashed the sides, though he paid it no mind. Uninterested by the fact the back of his long coat might have gotten a tad wet.
There was apprehension clear in his expression while he waited for her. Partly convinced that she wasn't going to show at all, which would serve him right of course, but there was a fear of it all the same which only solidified the fact in his mind that she meant something to him. Something special. Something he was afraid to truly lose.
Alucard's head hung low for a moment, tendrils of platinum blonde tumbled forward to curtain his face. His face that wore an expression of worry and hurt, as the longer he waited for her the more he became consumed with thoughts of her standing him up. ]
no subject
Date: 2022-01-16 09:42 pm (UTC)It's over an hour before her little flurry of bats arrives and she drops to the ground some distance in front of him. She makes her approach like a queen, chin lifted and heels clacking primly with each step. Her blue and gold gown is reminiscent of the starry gown she wore to the hotel for their first real tryst, but this one is more tailored and regal compared to the whimsical sweetness of before. She wears her long white fur cloak from home over the gown, properly attired for the cold even though it doesn't much bother her, and a black veil that covers her entire upper body.
She stops in front of him, out of reach, and waits silently for him to speak first. She has allowed this audience, but will not deign to make the first sally.
no subject
Date: 2022-01-16 11:11 pm (UTC)Alucard was about to turn and consider leaving when the fluttering of small wings on the wind caught his attention. Standing fast as she landed and appeared before him, a true vision of beauty. For a moment, Alucard almost forgot himself, forgot he was no longer in her favour, and made a move towards her, to greet and quite possibly embrace her. Stopping short a few paces, lips part and smile fading, for Lenore did not look approachable.
"Lenore. If I may, I should like to say just how utterly breathtaking you look." Lowering his head in a courteous bow as he held out for her the flowers and bottle. "A peace offering. Twelve white roses and virgins blood."
no subject
Date: 2022-01-16 11:20 pm (UTC)The stuff is notoriously hard to source, and Lenore's aware of how often it's asked for in Fangtasy. Probably, she thinks, it was Diva who sourced it, giving Adrian the bottle as a favor.
"A peace offering isn't necessary. We're not at war. My dominant keeps me supplied with flowers and libations aplenty. And you, well. Nestled as I was in the 'depths of your heart', I suppose it was easy to never think of me until it once again became appealing and convenient. Just drag a lid over the well of your heart and leave me in the shadows while you're busy... what? Moping? Being a dramatic little bitch?"
no subject
Date: 2022-01-17 12:34 am (UTC)"Aren't we? Then why does it feel as though I'm being attacked?" Trying not to sigh as finally he dropped his arms, his gifts hanging low in his grasp. Wincing his face as she spoke of the depths of his heart, of her only being convenient. She couldn't have been further from the truth. Alucard had sequestered himself away because of shame, it had taken a lot for him to return even knowing he would be unwelcomed.
"You're not wrong. Though I don't much care for your tone." Frowning at her before his expression once more falls soft towards her. "Lenore, I felt just awful, after everything that happened, be it in sane mind or under some curse of this place. Please, you can't assume I simply left you... Do you not or did you not feel anything for me? If not, then I feel such a fool..."
no subject
Date: 2022-01-17 12:50 am (UTC)Sweeping past him, Lenore takes a seat on a stone bench nearby, skirts belling out around her to make it quite clear that this bench isn't large enough for two. "You don't much care for my tone. Is that so. How hard that must be for you."
Cold and scornful, Lenore waves a hand at him to gesture for him to proceed. "Go on, then. I didn't come for compliments and flowers. I came because you wanted to be heard out and apologize. I'd like to know what has kept you so busy for the past month and a half that you could not spare even a single moment to think 'oh, my, Lenore must be worried, let me take an instant to message her that I'm unharmed'. So let's hear this apology."
no subject
Date: 2022-01-17 01:16 am (UTC)She sounded petty and vicious, every bit the scorned lover. Alucard mused on how he could fix this, what he could do now to put things right, only, his experiences are small and short-lived, he was not equipt to handle a force of nature such as Lenore. Taking the hint, Alucard's shoulders slumped as he sat on the edge of the fountain, never minding that he was splashed by the falling water.
Part of him wanted to run, wanted to hiss and snarl insults at her for being so vile with her words. It took all of his restraint not to do just that. Tossing the flowers aside, letting them spill from their ribbons and pretty paper across the stone of the fountain wall, as he popped the cork from the bottle. "It's my fault...I was too human with you. Too soft. I should have been more like my father..." Uttered under his breath, unsure if she heard him or not. Pressing his lips to the bottle, hesitating before tipping it back and partaking of the blood for himself.
Oh, he knows all too well that his apology isn't going to be good enough, nothing is for her, as it shouldn't be. Lenore should have the world at her pretty little feet, she should be given all she wants and needs without question, including Alucard's unwavering attention. "I'm sorry, Lenore. Sorry that I'm not good enough for you. Sorry that you wasted your time on my childish endeavors. Sorry that I didn't know how to cope with what was going on, with what I had done and was doing... Sorry that despite your warning, I started to fall in love with you."
no subject
Date: 2022-01-17 02:15 am (UTC)Rising to her feet, Lenore clasps her hands primly in front of herself, not looking at him. "I was worried for you. I felt sick with guilt for having not better protected you from what happened during Tumenalia, never mind that I could not protect myself. It had you under an influence that ... was quite strong. And stung me quite sorely at one point, but I forgave you for my hurt because it was not your fault."
Lenore draws back her veil so he can see her bare face, cold as ice but with a deep, lonely ache in her eyes. "I am hurt because I spent a month remembering how I had told you clearly that I tend to fear the worst when left alone without contact. And that you at no point in the month thought of that. Or thought it important. That's what I cannot understand or forgive. That for an entire month, the thought of my feelings was never worth a minute above your self-pity. That's all. I thought of you. Wept for you. Worried over you. Would have done anything to reach you, comfort you. But it seems to me that in that month, you never once thought of comforting me. That's what I would like explained, Adrian. That's what I came here tonight to hear."
no subject
Date: 2022-01-17 02:43 am (UTC)As Lenore clasped her delicate little hands and moved to her feet, Alucard shot up too, his chest visibly rising and falling faster as if in a panic that she might leave. Alucard was out of character clumsy as he rushed to set the bottle down, the thing tumbled and rolled on the wall of the fountain, some of its contents spilling out and dirtying the water with its rich colour. "I can't lose you because of this, Lenore. The thought of loving someone was never something I felt I'd ever experience. I was always too fearful I should break...Or that I'd somehow break them in return. How right I was..." Shaking his head, feeling her words sink in, her guilt, her hurt. It was painful, unbearably so.
It was hard to see her face, his eyes were a little blurry, heavy with sorrow. Still, he managed to look upon her, like a puppy that had had its nose slapped for chewing up its master's slippers. "I don't know where to begin, Lenore. I could tell you I thought of you, which I did, though that does not excuse the fact I never reached out. This is me, this is what I do, I hermit myself away with my thoughts, I've been alone for so long, Lenore, I don't quite know how to behave in a situation like this. Sorry doesn't feel like it would cut it and yet I am sorry. And scared. Scared that you'll never again grace me with the light you radiate when you smile towards me. Scared that you'll never again make my heart race with a mere touch or choice word. I'm scared that I've already done too much damage, Lenore."
He looked broken as he spoke. He hadn't wanted to let her see him crumble like this, but then again, it was hard to articulate himself when it came to matters of the heart.
no subject
Date: 2022-01-17 05:44 pm (UTC)She shakes her head and sighs, giving his cheek a pat and then lowering her hands to clasp them again, though she keeps her eyes up on his face now. "I don't want to be loved like a lady in a tower. I don't want some grand courtly love that you prove by the agony of your feelings when you're away from me, writing a hundred lines of poetry in devotion and castigating yourself for not being good enough. I want the passion, but I also want someone to share a life with me. Someone to hold me when I am upset, to listen to my woes, to provide a shoulder to cry on.
"Back home, just before I came here, I had a man betray me, trap me in a cage, aid in the premeditated slaughter of my sister with an army of night creatures, and then he told me he loved me and expected me to react as though he was some kind of hero."
Brow furrowing with misery, Lenore shakes her head. "I am done with the kind of love that swears poetic, lofty adoration and yet isn't there to hold my hand when I'm frightened or upset. I trusted you and ... now I don't, anymore. You cannot be relied upon if I'm in need of protection or comfort. So, that's what you can do, Alucard. You can be a friend to me. You can make time for me, and listen to my worries, and celebrate my joys, and share your own worries and joys for me. You say you love me, but so far all you offer is melodrama and lust. Do the work. Build a foundation of friendship and trust and then let your love be a palace built upon that rock. Prove to me that your love is something more than a castle on a cloud."
no subject
Date: 2022-01-19 11:31 pm (UTC)The touch of her hand upon his cheek was bittersweet. Oh, how he'd missed her gentle touch. He wanted nothing more than to scoop her up in his arms and walk away with her somewhere into the night if only to make her smile and dote on her. But the look upon her pretty face told him what a bad idea that might have been.
Listening to her tale, feeling every moment of her suffering and sorrow, made him angry, frustrated that something such as that had happened to her of all people. Though silence was all he offered her, silence and understanding. When she was done, Alucard waited a moment before talking. His tone was soft, respectful, honest. "You want me to give you a strong foundation for our love to be built upon, and yet the tragedy is, Lenore, that the only Castle I've ever known constantly shifted, disjointed, and moved to where it was needed. I don't want to blame my terrible traits on something other than myself, but this is the first everything here, Lenore. My world was so small and unstable, it's easy to get lost and to lose sight of those I care for."