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[beloyaltome]

Kindly leave your missives and offerings within and I shall endeavor to reply promptly.

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[honourthymother]

Alucard knew he was terrible at apologizing. He'd never had to do to before, he'd only ever apologized to the dead and even then he wasn't sure how well it was received. "I tried not to upset you, Lenore. I wanted to protect you, your feelings, though I'm not very good at protecting anything that doesn't involve a fight and a sword. And I never wanted to fight with you. I was lonely. I didn't want to be and yet at the same time, I felt as though I deserved nothing more than to be alone. I didn't deserve you, your affection, or attention. And yet that's all I've ever wanted since the day I met you."

As Lenore clasped her delicate little hands and moved to her feet, Alucard shot up too, his chest visibly rising and falling faster as if in a panic that she might leave. Alucard was out of character clumsy as he rushed to set the bottle down, the thing tumbled and rolled on the wall of the fountain, some of its contents spilling out and dirtying the water with its rich colour. "I can't lose you because of this, Lenore. The thought of loving someone was never something I felt I'd ever experience. I was always too fearful I should break...Or that I'd somehow break them in return. How right I was..." Shaking his head, feeling her words sink in, her guilt, her hurt. It was painful, unbearably so.

It was hard to see her face, his eyes were a little blurry, heavy with sorrow. Still, he managed to look upon her, like a puppy that had had its nose slapped for chewing up its master's slippers. "I don't know where to begin, Lenore. I could tell you I thought of you, which I did, though that does not excuse the fact I never reached out. This is me, this is what I do, I hermit myself away with my thoughts, I've been alone for so long, Lenore, I don't quite know how to behave in a situation like this. Sorry doesn't feel like it would cut it and yet I am sorry. And scared. Scared that you'll never again grace me with the light you radiate when you smile towards me. Scared that you'll never again make my heart race with a mere touch or choice word. I'm scared that I've already done too much damage, Lenore."

He looked broken as he spoke. He hadn't wanted to let her see him crumble like this, but then again, it was hard to articulate himself when it came to matters of the heart.

[beloyaltome]

Lenore listens patiently. Hands still clasped, head still lowered. When he finishes, Lenore looks up with a sad, soft smile, and reaches up to gently cup his cheek. "Oh, Alucard."

She shakes her head and sighs, giving his cheek a pat and then lowering her hands to clasp them again, though she keeps her eyes up on his face now. "I don't want to be loved like a lady in a tower. I don't want some grand courtly love that you prove by the agony of your feelings when you're away from me, writing a hundred lines of poetry in devotion and castigating yourself for not being good enough. I want the passion, but I also want someone to share a life with me. Someone to hold me when I am upset, to listen to my woes, to provide a shoulder to cry on.

"Back home, just before I came here, I had a man betray me, trap me in a cage, aid in the premeditated slaughter of my sister with an army of night creatures, and then he told me he loved me and expected me to react as though he was some kind of hero."

Brow furrowing with misery, Lenore shakes her head. "I am done with the kind of love that swears poetic, lofty adoration and yet isn't there to hold my hand when I'm frightened or upset. I trusted you and ... now I don't, anymore. You cannot be relied upon if I'm in need of protection or comfort. So, that's what you can do, Alucard. You can be a friend to me. You can make time for me, and listen to my worries, and celebrate my joys, and share your own worries and joys for me. You say you love me, but so far all you offer is melodrama and lust. Do the work. Build a foundation of friendship and trust and then let your love be a palace built upon that rock. Prove to me that your love is something more than a castle on a cloud."

[honourthymother]

That pit in his stomach was slowly devouring him by now. With every word she spoke, no matter how softly and kindly she put it, the urge to flee was growing. It was horrible. He was no longer Adrian to her, just Alucard ... The irony of it, calling himself his fathers opposite, and yet here he was, lost in the madness of his own woes, blind to the suffering he'd caused those who actually cared about him.

The touch of her hand upon his cheek was bittersweet. Oh, how he'd missed her gentle touch. He wanted nothing more than to scoop her up in his arms and walk away with her somewhere into the night if only to make her smile and dote on her. But the look upon her pretty face told him what a bad idea that might have been.

Listening to her tale, feeling every moment of her suffering and sorrow, made him angry, frustrated that something such as that had happened to her of all people. Though silence was all he offered her, silence and understanding. When she was done, Alucard waited a moment before talking. His tone was soft, respectful, honest. "You want me to give you a strong foundation for our love to be built upon, and yet the tragedy is, Lenore, that the only Castle I've ever known constantly shifted, disjointed, and moved to where it was needed. I don't want to blame my terrible traits on something other than myself, but this is the first everything here, Lenore. My world was so small and unstable, it's easy to get lost and to lose sight of those I care for."