Alucard knew he was terrible at apologizing. He'd never had to do to before, he'd only ever apologized to the dead and even then he wasn't sure how well it was received. "I tried not to upset you, Lenore. I wanted to protect you, your feelings, though I'm not very good at protecting anything that doesn't involve a fight and a sword. And I never wanted to fight with you. I was lonely. I didn't want to be and yet at the same time, I felt as though I deserved nothing more than to be alone. I didn't deserve you, your affection, or attention. And yet that's all I've ever wanted since the day I met you."
As Lenore clasped her delicate little hands and moved to her feet, Alucard shot up too, his chest visibly rising and falling faster as if in a panic that she might leave. Alucard was out of character clumsy as he rushed to set the bottle down, the thing tumbled and rolled on the wall of the fountain, some of its contents spilling out and dirtying the water with its rich colour. "I can't lose you because of this, Lenore. The thought of loving someone was never something I felt I'd ever experience. I was always too fearful I should break...Or that I'd somehow break them in return. How right I was..." Shaking his head, feeling her words sink in, her guilt, her hurt. It was painful, unbearably so.
It was hard to see her face, his eyes were a little blurry, heavy with sorrow. Still, he managed to look upon her, like a puppy that had had its nose slapped for chewing up its master's slippers. "I don't know where to begin, Lenore. I could tell you I thought of you, which I did, though that does not excuse the fact I never reached out. This is me, this is what I do, I hermit myself away with my thoughts, I've been alone for so long, Lenore, I don't quite know how to behave in a situation like this. Sorry doesn't feel like it would cut it and yet I am sorry. And scared. Scared that you'll never again grace me with the light you radiate when you smile towards me. Scared that you'll never again make my heart race with a mere touch or choice word. I'm scared that I've already done too much damage, Lenore."
He looked broken as he spoke. He hadn't wanted to let her see him crumble like this, but then again, it was hard to articulate himself when it came to matters of the heart.
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As Lenore clasped her delicate little hands and moved to her feet, Alucard shot up too, his chest visibly rising and falling faster as if in a panic that she might leave. Alucard was out of character clumsy as he rushed to set the bottle down, the thing tumbled and rolled on the wall of the fountain, some of its contents spilling out and dirtying the water with its rich colour. "I can't lose you because of this, Lenore. The thought of loving someone was never something I felt I'd ever experience. I was always too fearful I should break...Or that I'd somehow break them in return. How right I was..." Shaking his head, feeling her words sink in, her guilt, her hurt. It was painful, unbearably so.
It was hard to see her face, his eyes were a little blurry, heavy with sorrow. Still, he managed to look upon her, like a puppy that had had its nose slapped for chewing up its master's slippers. "I don't know where to begin, Lenore. I could tell you I thought of you, which I did, though that does not excuse the fact I never reached out. This is me, this is what I do, I hermit myself away with my thoughts, I've been alone for so long, Lenore, I don't quite know how to behave in a situation like this. Sorry doesn't feel like it would cut it and yet I am sorry. And scared. Scared that you'll never again grace me with the light you radiate when you smile towards me. Scared that you'll never again make my heart race with a mere touch or choice word. I'm scared that I've already done too much damage, Lenore."
He looked broken as he spoke. He hadn't wanted to let her see him crumble like this, but then again, it was hard to articulate himself when it came to matters of the heart.